Has there ever been something that you want so bad you can taste it? Has your situation ever been so difficult that you are desperate to change it? Have you ever felt like life is spinning out and you are dying to take back control?
I mean- at this point...you get it right?
There are seasons in life that we go through that are harder than others. I personally lean heavily on my faith to get me through these tough times. This week I want to talk about the desire to change- but the emptiness of NOT knowing where you are called to be. Everyone might deal with this weight differently, however there are ways to overcome and find your way in this crazy life. I choose to practice self care a lot. I make this a priority especially when I am feeling overwhelmed.
My close friends know that I have been lacking in my happiness. I have expressed very vocally for a while now that I have desired more from my job, my faith, my social life and from my life in general. I dive head first into every opportunity that comes my way when it comes to service. I know that my love language is acts of service so it only makes sense that I desire to serve my community and serve others.
TO *MY*CORE, I believe firmly that everyone that walks/ exists on this planet should be shown grace, love and kindness- even when I am struggling to show these three things to myself.
In these last couple of months I have felt this strong feeling that I just didn't belong. I didn't belong in my current job or in any other job in the "corporate" world. Its hard to find your calling when you know deep down in your core that you don't belong there. Its kind of like fitting a square peg in a round hole. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. All I know is everything changed for me the moment I arrived to the airport for my Hope Serving trip in June.
I remember when I got to the airport, I sat in the terminal and I knew that the week would be life changing- I just did not know how life changing it would be. I remember praying for God to change me, my heart and my life that week. I asked him to intervene in my life and make a difference. I also asked for clarity.
See, I knew I didn't "belong" in the corporate world, but I cannot tell you the stress and heartbreak that comes along with the emptiness of not knowing where you are called to be. The anxiety of this feeling is debilitating. Some nights my chest is so heavy I cannot fall asleep- no matter how much I mediate or pray. You instantly become that person who doesn't know where there life is going but you're just along for the ride. When I arrived in Fort Wayne- I was broken all the way down to my core.
After Hope Serving my whole life changed. I knew deep in my heart of hearts that I was called to work directly in the Blind and Visually Impaired community. All I knew was that I needed to find a more permanent way to work directly with people who I feel so passionately about.
Taking the leap...
I have decided to become a Certified Orientation and Mobility Specialist. I am taking my courses through Texas Tech and could not be more excited. I am overwhelmed by my course work already. I am exhausted already.
More importantly: My heart is overflowing with gratitude already.
What is the one thing you wish you could change about your situation? All I can say is if there is a will... there is a way! Never be too afraid to chase your dreams.
I will say it is way easier when you have a friend who is going through the same thing! One of my babes/ Delta Gamma sisters Ashley aka @theouttakesblogger on instagram has just decided to go back to school to become a Certified Life Coach! I could not be more proud of her for taking the leap along side of me! We are just a couple of crazy girls trying to chase their dreams. You can read about my babe Ashley and her journey here.
I just encourage all of you to chase those dreams baby- stop chasing waterfalls. If Ashley and I can do it- you can too!